Satsang on Koh Phangan, Thailand with Ananta

Introduction:

Sitting here with your eyes closed. You can turn your eyes inwards. And as you look inwards take a moment to look how this body feels and is experienced right now. Is there complete relaxation? Maybe there are some parts that are still in the… travel of arriving here or whatever was going on before closing the eyes. Just really allowing any little corners that could relax just a little more. As you fall more and more deeply into listening to silence. 

And there are sounds, many sounds, yet the silence… is untouched by these sounds. These sounds continuously go on changing, just like sensations, just like thoughts. Yet, the silence … remains always the same. Stillness and movement…. and the more that you drop into stillness, rest into silence, the more you know, that there really truly is — no separation. And the more that you begin to value the simplicity of your own BEing, more and more of what you Are is revealed as the True Calling behind all Movement. Just to know YourSelf, just to be Your Self is where the fulfillment unfolds in every movement of life…taking form. --

And slowly, let’s get ready to come into the meeting. Getting a feeling of this vehicle, this body you are traveling in. And let us come to see what would like to be seen in our meeting, in the Truth of who we really Are in this meeting today.

Satsang Message

Ananta: So welcome to the true meeting. Most of you know the way that these unfoldings here take place. I am so full and so empty. Today, I feel such a depth of emptiness and at the same time it only has to be activated and it’s completely full. So , um… I have no idea…I mean even what is coming now…It’s like, I have no idea. But you are welcome to activate.

Let us meet in the deep -- that includes the surface.

So… I invite questions, also sharings, confirmations and a direct meeting of self-realization. Because what are we doing here in the body? What are we really here for? Are we here to find what we really want in this life? Are we here to find fulfillment in things that will someday have to be given up? What are we really here for? And I know for myself that nothing has ever been about anything else but Self-realization. And through the search of what that is or what that means, before it was a conscious search, there has been such richness of experience… experiencing and eliminating -- not this, not that… to come to fully realize what is here all the time. And the richness of that which is intrinsic, which gives life to every single atom and what will also take life — and nobody’s got any control over that.

So, how does that show up in every moment of the life? How does that show us where we have no control and what is being given and what is being taken and what is being valued. And how life itself, as what we are in the deepest, is calling experiences that point us and show us what really has value. A constant death – to constantly be born into the unknowing -- of who I am…for the deeper and deeper realization of the knowing of what I am.

And I don’t know where you are in this stage of realizing what your life is really about and what you value what you give life to in the movements. So, I don’t know anything. I am just like you, in the deep. I don’t know anything and everything is known in that. It’s pure knowing. It’s the source of knowing. It’s not knowing some THING, but there is pure knowing. And I speak from That to That. There is no separation. That’s why – what already knows in you without knowing anything – re-cognizes and hears a ringing bell. When I look at you, you move these words.

I have no idea. So feel free… feel welcome to bring any kind of deep questions. Or nonsense that leads to deep questions… laughing… Or just the confirmation of what you’re knowing. You don’t need to be asking a question. You can be in your realizing and the confirming of what you’re realizing. And this is where we meet.

So welcome…laughing

You know when what you take yourself to be as a separate self is out of the way, when it is not dominating the scene… that separate identity of me and my life... When that’s not dominating the scene…what is left in this space that was being filled by the identity is an instrument. To use nice beautiful words -- which I love and I feel really true – an instrument of God. You know, an instrument of God can mean so many things to the mind, but when it is heard by itself, it’s a fragrance. You are an instrument, through which God plays its music, when the space is not filled up with all this little me story. So what’s cooking? Laughing… what’s for lunch?

Satsang Friend: I am cooking. The last Satsang was profound for me. It shifted some things. One or two days afterwards, I could feel that I had an experience with my mind, which can be so obsessive. I can really have obsessive thinking and for the first time in my life I didn’t try to control it or manipulate it. I just gave my mind all the freedom because I can really see that I can really just observe it. It’s not me, it’s really free to be there. It can do whatever it wants. And this felt so good, because then I just let my mind go wild and it was totally fine and it got crazy for 10 minutes and then it was quiet and it was good. Otherwise I would carry this around for I think one week to push it away and then it would push back. Anyway, I have so many emotions and two days after Satsang, I woke up with this worst or deepest childhood wound, which has been coming up my whole life especially the last couple of weeks. Even as a child I was always suicidal because for me it was, “if this is life? I’d rather be dead.”

Ananta: Beautiful…

Satsang Friend: So I had so many years, even as a child, I was always on this edge of life and death.

Ananta: Really, suicide? Really?

Satsang Friend: Yeah. In youth.

Ananta: Wow, I feel that move through my system…. I never felt suicidal, but I was on the edge too, with the knowing that this is not life. What I was looking at: this is not life and I’m gonna find out what is life. That was my edge and a complete rebelliousness to everything I was being shown and told that this is life. But suicidal is something else. I never felt that.

Satsang Friend: Yeah and because the last couple of years, there was almost no suicidal feeling. I think I was never really close to committing suicide, but it was this strong, strong feeling of – if this is life, I don’t want to be alive – I want to get out of this.

Ananta: What a beautiful gift to drive you to your calling.

Satsang Friend: And it came back. I think it was a Monday, but almost every morning I would wake up with this panicky feeling. And on Monday it came with such a heaviness. It came back, this feeling of ‘I don’t want to be alive you know it’s so threatening.’

Ananta: May I ask you because I’m getting the feeling that, it’s the heaviness of a pain body? Was it in the collective field as you were growing up?

Satsang Friend: Yeah, definitely.

Ananta: I’m feeling that it’s collective. That’s what I’m feeling in my body right now as I feel it. It’s like a collective pain body that you’ve carried. As a child, your knowing that this cannot be life, your receiving of that heaviness all around, carried in the system. But this is like a beautiful… you know it’s coming to be met in truth. It’s coming to be liberated. And the only way that it can be liberated is in your holding, your meeting of it.