In this session Ananta takes Michele through an inquiry process to discover THAT which is always aware and that is looking through every pair of eyes:

Zurich, April 2011

Michele: So I realized, why are you not happy with what you're realizing now, with this feeling?

And what is it that keeps me from really enjoying life, my awareness, my beauty? I mean the beauty of life.

And I don't really have an answer. I mean, my answer would be, you play habits. I have habits, which I do not renounce. And, yeah.

Ananta: Habits like what?

Michele: Like, yeah, I end up not caring too much, you know, after all. After all, nothing really matters in some way. You know, so.

Ananta: This is a good habit. I like it. Is there a question in all of this?

Michele:  Yeah, the question is, you know, I feel like, why? So in this way, I feel like I never get what I really want. 

Ananta:  And what is it you really want?

Michele: For example, in this case, I'd say realization. Right? What is it that bars me from being happy in this? Why just, okay, maybe...

Ananta: Half-half. 

Michele: Half-half. Yeah…

Ananta: Yeah, yeah…

Michele: Being half-hearted. 

Ananta: Yes. Yeah, I mean, what comes through me as I sit with you is, like, I don't know the...

Michele: I mean, I was totally hearted when I decided to come here. 

Yes, yes. 

Michele:  I'm happy to be here now.

Yes. 

Michele: But I think you're great. I was thinking that, yeah, you're a warrior.

Ananta:  A what? 

Michele: A warrior. A warrior?

Ananta: Warrior. Wow. 

Michele: And maybe that's what I don't want to be. I'm afraid to be a warrior. 

Ananta: What I'm sensing as I sit with you is avoidance, right? And like you say it yourself, afraid to be a warrior.

And what I sense is that, you know, your idea of realization and enlightenment and this kind of thing has been conditioned and is somehow like a way to get out of this humanness, like to go to another place to have some other experience. Yeah? 

Michele: Yeah, since the beginning it was like being a superhero.

Ananta:  Yes, yes. Like to reach some... some… yeah?

But what I'm inviting, you know, what I'm inviting in this sharing, in this meeting, is, okay, I will support and point and facilitate who you really are, but through meeting the humanness. Yeah? It's like, it's very, very… I find it very easy, very simple to facilitate the stopping of the mind.

It's very easy. Yeah? And to get a clarification of so-called who am I as awareness.

Yeah? I find this easy. But then that's not over.

That's the old idea of that's the end. Then that has to come into the humanness. And what I invite is that you would have to then come to meet all the fears and all the things that you're trying to get away from.

Michele: Before you said something like, it's not only awareness, but at some point before, before she came, you said at some point it's not just awareness. And I didn’t get…

Ananta: I don't know what that meant. 

Michele:  Maybe this is the case. It's not just awareness, it's also your mind or our humanness. Because what's just awareness? If it's just awareness, so what?

Ananta: Well, the mind will say so what. The mind will look at it and go, well, just that, I've been like all these years waiting for this enlightenment.

Well, just that. And this is when it's perceived by the mind. But when awakeness itself, that which is aware is awake to itself, which is seeing through the whole play, which is meeting every moment, this is looking through every pair of eyes.

Michele: Every?

Ananta: This is looking through every pair of eyes. This that is aware looks through your eyes, is it? Right now, aware, looking through your eyes.

And it looks right back. This that is here in the space between these bodies, this, right here, this looking through every pair of eyes and running through every pore. Existential life.

It is… the nature of it is to be aware, but also the nature of it is free, full. In itself, it is peace. It is essential.

Essential. It is the very essence of life. Wearing a your human form. It is that. We are unique. So when we recognize, when we re-cognize, it's a cognition that is cognized because when baby arrives here just being that, baby doesn't recognize itself. It just is that. 

But when awakening, awakeness happens in a human form, it is re-cognition. It's a cognition.

So it's conscious of being that. But that doesn't mean that the humanness should stop going on. It's what you're here to live.

But it's not here to live as a separate little individual who's, yeah, caught up in a little world of me. This, then, is coming through every moment of the life. This is integration.

Integration in the personality. Yeah? 

Michele: So, yeah, maybe because also maybe a question of trust. I mean, for example, decisions, you know. You said yesterday of the story of the baby and then we're waiting for them.

And so this morning you said this was very, very, I mean, we cannot make decisions of mind, but still we try. 

Ananta: Yes. And sometimes you do. You decide something with the mind and it doesn't lead you into correctness. 

Michele: And so maybe what is lacking for me is still real trust. Okay, let's drop everything and let life decide or indicate or maybe I don't have this real trust. Maybe I don't trust myself to be able to understand the signs and directions. 

Ananta:  OK. What is really, really clear here and what I’m catching, right, is that, and it's not a surprise or it's not abnormal, you know, is that when you speak of “I”, you speak of the mind, right?

You identify with the mind. You identify with the thinking process as “I”. And this thinking process is moving through, it's coming and going. Thoughts come, they go. Thoughts come, they go, right? And those thoughts are being seen.

Yes? Yes. So in this thinking process there is not trusting That to live the life, in this thinking process.

Because in this thinking process there is identity with a sense of “me”, separate. We call it ego identification, with thought, body, sensation. We call that “I”.

That exists for everyone. It exists in my body mind too. Yet I've been identified with that identification, is free. I don't believe my mind. Yeah? I don't let the mind run my life.

Yeah? And so the mistrust and the thing you're talking is in the thinking process, right? 

Michele: Yes.

Ananta: Yes? 

Michele: Well, it's even worse than that. 

Ananta: It's even worse. It's even worse than that?

Michele: It's worse because I identify even awareness with mind. 

Ananta: Say that again?

Michele: I identify even awareness with mind. I mean, what's the difference between thoughts and awareness? Maybe I can add a little. I mean, for me everything happens… whatever happens is the mind.

Ananta: Well, no. No. There is a seeing.

Michele: I have to make an effort to go, for example, to my feelings. 

Ananta: Make an effort?

Michele: Yeah. Because otherwise completely blank feeling. Totally blank. I feel nothing.

Ananta: Okay. 

Michele: And maybe that's a problem.

Ananta: Well, no, it's not a problem. It's more, I would say, like what's being avoided.

Michele: Avoidance. Yes.

Ananta: And in that avoidance, there's the wanting to get enlightenment, where you're really safe from all of that. Yeah? A certain state. 

But you say… let's address this question… you say, what's the difference between awareness and thoughts? Right? 

Yeah. Thoughts appear, they come, they go, isn't it?

Michele: Yeah. 

Ananta:  To who do these thoughts appear? To what do these thoughts appear? But I ask you in this moment, don't look for the answer to that in thinking. 

Right now, a thought that comes and goes, what is it that sees the thought come and go?

Michele: I can’t really say.

Ananta: Is it aware? 

Michele: Yeah. 

Ananta:  Is it here? Now? Yeah? So let's just check this a little bit closer.

Michele: Yes. 

Ananta: This that is aware, that is here now. And I invite you, Michele.

Michele, I said it right? I invite you to check this directly in your experience, not from any books or any… nothing. In your experience right now. Yes? So… what was the question?

Michele: The difference between awareness and thoughts.

Ananta: The difference between awareness and thoughts. Okay. Thoughts come and go, you see the thought come and go, right?

And this that is seeing the thought is aware. Yes? Okay, this that is aware, is it in or out of the body, right now?

Can you keep eye contact with me? Is it in or out of the body, this that is aware? 

Can you check?

Check how the seat you're sitting on feels under your ass. Can you check that? How does it feel touching your body in the seat?

How does it feel? Is it soft? Hard?

Michele: It's hard.

Ananta: It's hard. Is it warm? Cold? 

Michele: Medium

Ananta: Okay. Now you didn't think about that. You just went to check into your experience. Yes?

So this same way, we check. This that is aware, right now, is it in or out of the body?

Michele: I would say it's an impossible question.

Ananta: It's an impossible question, but it points you to look.

…long pause… 

Ananta: Don’t start thinking. This that is aware, right now, can you locate it? Where is it? 

Michele: No.

Ananta: You cannot locate it. 

Michele: No. 

Ananta: Yet, it must be running through the body, if it looks through your eyes.

Michele: Yes. Sure. 

Ananta: Yes. But it doesn't end where the body ends.

Michele: No.

Ananta: No. It's also here in the (gesturing the space between them)… what looks like space between the bodies. It's also here.

Michele: Yes.

Ananta: So it's formless, wearing form. Yes? How far away from you is it?

Michele: It’s here (gesturing all around himself).

Ananta: Is there any distance between this that is aware and you? 

Michele: No. 

Ananta: Okay. In this moment, take a look right now. Is there any difference between this that is aware and you?

Michele: Shaking his head ‘no’.

Ananta: So then are you saying that it is you?

Michele: Yes.

Ananta: Yes. This is you, aware, now. Yes?

Ananta: That's also me. Looking from this point, where is the end of you and the beginning of me?

Michele: You mean to touch?

Ananta: This is again a thought. Yes. When you look from this point of the direct experience of being aware, where do you experience the ending of you and the beginning of me?

Right now. 

Michele: No boundary.

Ananta: No boundary. Yes. And then thoughts come along and they say, I don't know whether to trust this. Does this thought change this?

Ananta: Shakes his head ‘no’.

So when you overlook this and you start wearing that thought process as if it's you, it all becomes your experience. But when you are seeing the thoughts coming and going, what power do they have?

Michele: Well I can see.

Ananta: Yeah.

Michele: Well I can see.

Ananta: Right now. You can see right now?

Michele: Yeah.

Ananta: Right. Right. So my answer is to you that this identity and this thinking process is what doesn't trust.

It's not this. (gesturing to mean that which is aware)

Michele: No. 

Ananta: So when you overlook yourself and you identify with that thinking process, everything is half hearted. This will go on, you know. But can you value this?

Michele: (difficult to hear answer)

Ananta: Right now, does this have any value for you?

Michele: I like.

Ananta: You like it. Are you ready? Can you recognize that this is what all the Masters have been pointing to? 

Michele:  Yes. 

Ananta: Yeah. Simply, simply this. 

Michele:  Yes. 

Ananta:  Can you be true to this? Can you live life looking from here and being true to this? 

Michele:  Yes. 

Ananta:  And you know, when it's perceived by the mind, the mind cannot see the WOW. The mind cannot value this. 

It's like, you know, it takes a certain maturity. The same thing that you're seeing right now is… can I have this picture… reaching for a picture of Sri Ramana Maharshi and holding the picture up for everyone to see….

You look with these eyes… the same thing this 16-year-old boy laid down and gave his whole life to and was just absorbed in that. One of the greatest Sages that made it possible for us to sit here now and get it so easily. His direct inquiry of “Who Am I?”

The value that he gave to this recognition is what became never-ending bliss. It is the value, the value. 

You know Osho spoke of it as being like this… holding her arms wide and indicating a state of awe… and it was the value that he put on that.

That's why it was so difficult to recognize, because who could recognize that this simple, ordinary seeing could be that great? The valuing. So the way that this gets value is really that you start seeing that in your life you stop looking for something else.

This is it. 

You don't look for something more, never-ending bliss. The only reason never-ending bliss was the experience, because you didn't look for something more.

Yeah. And you start seeing in your life that no matter what the experience of suffering or pain or this or that, whatever the experience is, THIS is changeless, timeless, eternal, eternally free. It gets its value.

For me, the deepening of the value has happened through walking in the humanness, finding always home, finding a place to rest in peace always. I know myself as that. It's my very self.

And this doesn't die, but the body dies.

And this realization brings many, many side effects. Many side effects. In just a moment of seeing, What just this? Where's the bliss? Where's the unending love? Where's all of that?

These are side effects. 

Michele: Ananta means ??

Ananta: Eternal. The name that was given was “Revolution of the Eternal”.

But when I first got it, I took it to mean eternal revolution. It took a few years to get that it's a revolution of the eternal. It humbles you.

It takes away all your illusions. And you know, more and more every day, this is an endless deepening. It's not like a moment where suddenly like, it's like it's bottomless, endless deepening.

There's no ending to this deepening. But when I say these words, I don't want to create ideas of a place where you're going to reach or nothing like that you know. It’s this right here, right now.

It's this. Don't ask for more. Isn't this enough?

And if you cannot recognize the enoughness of this, there will never be more. It's paradoxical. If you cannot give your whole life to this, simply this, bow down, this identity bows down to this.

It was always the master that you bow down to. It was this. Osho was just holding space for this.

This. This. Yeah.

How to say it any simpler? When this form bowed down to Osho and took that initiation, it was this I was bowed down to, but I need that figure in that moment of master. And I became disciple, you know.

But these days are over. I'm telling you, we're in 2011 and there's like a whole consciousness has released a burst of, I don't know what words to use, you know, the awakening in the ordinary being. The time for that is here.

And it's no longer this big, big explosion. It's an awareness that is running through so many beings now, and the sharing of it is coming simply, simply, simply, and it's time for you to take the authority of what you are and live that. It's your time, you know.

It's time really to shift as yourself. There's no more master to follow. So it's like really a shift in humanity, and I can feel, you know, in you like this is a whole breaking down of all what you've been believing and following, and it will all fall away, you know.

Are you ready to give up all your practices, you know, and be what you are? 

Michele: Yeah. 

Ananta: You don't need to practice to be what you are. You need to walk it. Don't give the power away to the mind.

How is it right now? 

Michele: Fine. 

Ananta: This is the beloved. This is the eternal love affair.

And when you're not in the way with all this nonsense, it just keeps on giving itself to itself. It's funny words to say, you know, but it just keeps on revealing itself. In all corners.

Michele: You don't need reminders? 

Ananta: Sure, but it will remind you. It will kick you up the ass every moment. (laughing)

You will have reminders constantly. Of course you do. All the weight of the conditioning of the past is heavy unconsciousness.

Michele: See, I don't give up. I mean, I'm not blaming. I don't blame Buddhism. I don't blame masters. 

Ananta: No, there's nobody to blame.

Michele: I was saying again yesterday. It's just me, I’m thick as a brick, you know. 

Ananta: It’s the unconsciousness in humanity. Passed down through generations, unconsciousness, and now the planet is in a shift in consciousness. Yeah? 

Michele: I would like to…

Ananta: Sorry?

Michele: I would like to work for this.

Ananta: You need to. You need to. You know, what I experience in myself is that what used to be “work”, clearing the illusions,. What used to feel like work now is just a happening. It is just a happening I observe. I go on clearing up the unconsciousness in this body, but it’s not even something I make an effort to do. It’s a happening I watch. I can’t stop myself.

Michele: WOW.

Ananta: What?

Michele: I said WOW

Ananta: You see the WOW?

Michele: I said WOW

Ananta: I said, do you see the WOW?

Michele: Yes.

They both laugh.

Ananta: Can you taste, can you taste the WOW. Let it in, every cell is vibrating that WOW. The only thing, don’t think too much about it. Mmmm.

Session ends.

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